random ramblings

so.. a few things to talk about.

1. My crazy zoo-animal family members. I love them dearly, but man... they are crazy.. it's a wonder how I came out normal (hey, shatup.. I AM normal!) I went to a birthday party for my nieces Gracie and Addie on Saturday and they had a spongebob pinata and played pin the tail on the donkey.. meanwhile my cousin Sarah and I just goofed off like we were 6 again and laughed hysterically at our pasts together. Then we had pity parties for ourselves because we never had pinata birthday parties or anything like that.. I was lucky if I wasn't beaten and tossed in the woods to fend for myself at the tender age of 5.. ok, maybe it wasn't that bad.. but dangit, I never had a pinata!!!

2. I attempted my first 5k run.. I mean, I run on the treadmill normally.. and I work out on other machines but I usually do like an hour of cardio and just switch it up all the time and then do the yoga ball, etc. Well, I did the 5k in 32 min. which isn't all that spectacular but I'm ok with it since it was first time givin' her a try. So, tonight I'm gonna boost the speed up a little itty bit higher and see how I do!

3. Aaron and I are freaks of nature that are so not ready for kids. I joke all the time that I'd be a wonderful parent if I could discipline my kids the same way I discipline my cats (spray bottle to the face).. but really, I don't know that I have all the maternal parenting skills that I once thought I had. Actually, the idea of kids sometimes terrifies the crazzap out of me!! I mean some kids smell, whine, they wake up entirely too early for my taste, they cost so much money and I'd have to get pregnant to have one which equals, get fat. bleh! I know you can work it off and all, but man.. that sucks! Don't get me wrong, I love kids and I love my niece and my friend's little ones.. but it's easy for me to love them and being around them because I know at the end of the day or hour, I can hand those cute little suckers back and just be on my way to do my own selfish path without worrying about a little rugrat hanging on my leg. I always hear that once you have your own, it's different. But yea right, I'd be the first to prove that different. I'll probably end up with a little punk brat that's sporting a uni-brow and a mouth that a sailor would blush from. (get it, Aaron has the uni.. I'm a tad bit mouthy.. catch up people). Plus, Aaron and I are piglets.. seriously dude. We have a nice house and nice things, yet we just can't manage to keep our house looking clean.. we never fold and put away our clothes and we will do stuff like toss a milk ring on the floor for our cats to play with and then well.. never pick them up again. So we have a good 569,002 milk rings and other odd home-made cat toys thrown around our house... I mean, who can be a parent to a baby with a million little plastic rings on the floor??? Geesh, we're bad! And it's not like we're young'ns that can't handle a little responsibility.. we pretty much just choose to not handle it and wait and wait. We'll probably be like 50 and 55 before we give into our families and their pressure to procreate. Anyhow, that was alot about that topic. What am I on again, now I gotta scroll up.

4. I'm freaking starving and I already had lunch.. so I'm doing my best to wait until I get done working out tonight to eat again... ahhh!!



That's all.

how I celebrated my birthday

soo.. I haven't written a blog lately.. so I decided to write one about this lovely little birthday weekend. This isn't a sentimental blog or something that I'll read back on and go "ahh, I miss that weekend.. that was amazing".. so be prepared.

Friday was good, we went to Lotawata Creek in Fairview Heights for dinner and then to the Funny Bone afterwards to see some guy that was so good (sarcasm) that I can't even remember his name. But hey, the tix were free b/c we donated $1 each last year to some cause and they would give you free tix. So, I know this was a well thought out plan of the b/f, he loves FREE as we all know! Then we head home after the show and go to bed at around 2.. yahoo.

Saturday we get up super early and go to get my MO driver's license (b/c I still had my Iowa one, yep for the last 3.5 years I've been in STL) and it expires on Sunday.. I'm not a procrastinator at all. I have to take a freakin' road sign test (that I studied for mind you.. seriously) and there are 6 BLANK road signs and I had to say what they were. I'm going along thinking "yaaa.. thank goodness for the book, I've got it" until I come to this..



But BLANK. I go "um.. um... yield?" and I know I'm wrong but b/c I'm so cute he lets me go. Ok, maybe it wasn't b/c I'm so cute and because you only needed 4 out of 6 right to pass.. but passing b/c I'm so cute sounds better.. so we'll go with that.

On to the picture. I tell the lovely gentleman, "take a good one or I'll haunt you" and he giggles.. but I was serious.

He takes it and well it's pretty nasty.. I don't have an upper lip apparently when I smile and my face is as wide as a dump truck. But I take it b/c I know I have other plans for the day. As we leave, I smell "the devil's lettuce" in the parking lot.. but hey, we're in hazelwood.. so I come to expect that.

We go to the Post Office next because we need to get passports for our fastly approaching cruise. We finally get up there and we're going over our applications and yadda yadda.. Aaron goes spastic crazy over the price of the passports and I have to tell him to chill out b/c freakin' over the price will not make the price go down, plus it's for 10 years.. so get over it!!!! Then it's on to picture time again. I warn the POM (post office man) that Aaron's head is pretty big (Frankie head as I call him.. ya know, for Frankestein.. he's got a big mug). I also warn him that Aaron's ears are so big that is casts shadows in every single license and I.D. picture he has, so it looks like he's wearing big black hoop earrings. It's true people, just ask to see his license the next time you're around the big gorilla (Aaron). The POM tells us about how he use to be a wedding photographer and he doesn't get shadows, yadda yadda.. well, the pictures come out with shadows. I tell you, people underestimate the power of Aaron's ginormous ears. When we get home later that day, I measure his ears... and compare it to mine.. his ears are ONE whole friggin' inch LONGER than mine! Those are freakin' elephant ears. So since we're measuring, I also check to see the size of his Frankie head.. like the diameter and once again, bigger.

We take a nap and then later get up and decide we're going to put in our new water heater. This thing weighs like 300 lbs. and I weigh considerably less than that.. less than 1/2 of that and Aaron's crazy face thinks that I'm going to carry half of it! Somehow I muster up the strength (must be the 'roids) to carry it from our truck around to our back yard and up the deck.. then I'm done. I cannot carry it a step farther, we then drag it inside and over to the basement.. and we slide it down the stairs (slowly) after a ton of moving stuff around and trying to use my leg to brace the box. Aaron is a tad bit anxious as most people know, so he was all worried that we were going to break the water heater and he would start hollerin' about how much it costs and I might as well throw it out the window, you know.. the usual. Well, after about 6 hrs... it's done. and I have about 10 bruises (honestly) down my left leg in all horizontal straight lines from where the box slowly slid down my leg and bruised me. (Then having to spend all that time in the freeezing cold basement).

Sunday we went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast, then to Walmart and Sam's Club.. came home and Aaron watched football.. then we watched Rock of Love 2 with Bret Michaels. I really love smut shows like that ok, sorry!

Bleh.. so for all who want to know what we did for my birthday.. now you know. We are party animals.

a little catch up and some pity and some thanks

so, it's been awhile since I've last posted a blog. And I was really wanting to write something fun and witty.. however I'm not feeling fun or witty believe it or not, it may be shocking I'm aware.
I decided instead to be a sorrow-filled sack of crap. Basically, I'm sitting at home right now.. alone on a friday night. Aaron's at a bachelor party in Quincy for his best friend Shawn, so I'm sure he's having fun and Shawn's an amazing guy.. so what the hey. However, being alone gives me all this time to think and just think really.. it seems like otherwise I am so busy all the time or I am constantly in the company of other people so I'm not able to just sit and ponder and junk like that. Well, besides at night when I'm laying in bed just trying to sleep. It's so hard though, because I have found myself lying in bed and I always start feeling sad because I am thinking about Lea a lot. I miss her and I think about all the things I am missing her for, simple things.. like I want to be like "hey lea, i saw this really good movie the other day" "hey lea, what medicine should i take for a sore throat but not a cough?" "hey lea, you will never guess what aaron did the other day.. " "hey lea, i really need your advice about..." "hey lea, do you want to go shopping?" "hey lea, do you want to come and stay for a weekend?" All very simple things, right? but we don't all get that, so if you have.. oh my gosh, cherish it for all it's worth.
I am blessed though if I think about it like Aaron said.. at least I have all these fond memories of Lea and I can know her traditions and I can try to carry them out. Aaron doesn't remember his Mom because he was only 3 when she passed, all he knows of her is stories from his now deceased father and some pictures that they had together (but from what I can tell you... aaron's mom really loved aaron with all her heart) She would scrap book every single event in his life, from the first time he ate cake off the beaters, his first bath, his first time playing in a creek, his first curl on his head, pictures of him with a bra on his head, holding a baseball.. everything. She really seemed like an amazing person and it's awesome to look at the scrapbooks she did because I feel like I sort of know her in a way. Between her and Lea.. they really give me something to strive for and be like.
anyhow, I guess I should be grateful for what I have and not just sad for what I don't.. so let's see.
I'm grateful for;
a loving and adorable boyfriend who keeps me laughing
wonderful, fantastic friends who are like family and are always supporting me
3 fur covered children
my Dad, who consistently shows me what an amazing father he is
my Mom, who is growing a stronger and deeper bond with me as the days pass
my brother and sisters who keep me on my toes and make me laugh
my neice who is the devil in a very very cute disguise, that I adore with all my heart
my job that is promising and full of opportunities
my house that is freshly remodeled (at least the living room... and I LOVE it)
my car that has navigation so my crazy butt stops getting lost!
my health and the health of all I care for
great music through the ipod, radio, internet and concerts (makes me super happy)
laughter at any cost.. even if it means making fun of YOU
and ofcourse God.. the reason why we even exist.
oohhh, and let me add shoes!

anyhow, I'm gonna go watch "the waitress" per my good friend Michelle's recommendation on her blog.. so it better be good or off with her head!

I can't believe it...

Tomorrow will be one year since my Mom passed, since God decided to call her home. I am hopefully going to take the day off of work tomorrow, so that I can just be alone and have time to think and remember her. I really feel like I need it about now, I have caught myself crying on the way home from the gym for the past week. I just cannot believe it has been a year, at times it seems as if it was just yesterday that she passed and other times it feels like it's been a century since I've seen her smiling face and heard her laughter. I would truly give anything in the world to have her back, life is so unfair and it aggravates me when I see people who are ungrateful for their parents or take them for granted. It's hard for me to bite my tongue when I hear someone complain that their parents are coming to see them or stay for the weekend or anything of that sort. Even when Lea was well and healthy, I was always overly excited when they would come for the weekend.. I love nothing more than spending time with my family and being the disfunctional folks that we are. I am able to smile when I think back on the times that I had with her, whether we were spending our time poking fun at my Dad or singing songs together as loudly and as obnoxiously as possible. Lea never led a dull life or let stress and responsibilities consume her. Her life has definitely taught me to be light-hearted and full of joy, to always look at things with a positive note. I sometimes find myself being that annoying person who comes back at people's negativities with something positive or a positive flip to it. I know people just want to vent mostly, but I cannot help but remind them of their good health, their jobs, their home, their family and all they have to be happy about. Life will never be easy, but it's adventure and it's full of love. I just really wish that Lea's adventure didn't end so soon. I'm heartbroken thinking about how she won't be there for my wedding or when Aaron and I decide to start a family. I have to tell myself that she can see this all from heaven and she is a part of it, just from afar. It's my selfish-ness that wants her here in physical being to dance with, talk with, smile with and just be around. It's so cliche, but she is in a better place.. heaven.

Dear _________,

I feel like I have seen so much lately to blog about.. so now the task is just remembering things..

Dear Motorcycle man,
Thank you for giving me a giggle you leather wearing fool, you. I purposely drove next to you for several miles on the way home from the gym just b/c I wanted to watch your cigarette flop wildly in the wind as you drove the 70 mph on the interstate. I couldn't help but wonder why would you have a cigarette in your mouth? It is not lit, and if it ever was.. it certainly is not now at this speed with all the windy and wobbly-ness that it's going through. Does it make you feel cool like the marlboro man??? Must be. Either way.. thanks.

Dear pet owner,
I do NOT want to thank you.. you're stupid dog kept tromping all over my blanket on Saturday at the park. Not once did I go "oh, cute puppy~ come here!" and never ever did I smile at your stupid ass and your stupid dog!! Have a little common sense and keep your pet on a tight leash when you're amongst so many people!! It was the freakin' balloon races with thousands and thousands of people attending.. control your animals (idiot)!!!

Dear man/woman/it,
What are you?? I could not tell.. the body said "man", the face said "woman" and the walk said "it". You made me ponder that a lot.

Dear fat woman at the grocery store,
If it wasn't for the fact that I am a HUGE wuss and pansy.. I would have told you this on Saturday "Back the F off ho's beast!! It's not necessary to use your grubby little paws to push my animal crackers up the line at the grocery store! There is a woman infront of me if you would just move your hot dog neck to see that! So pushing MY animal crackers up the line will NOT make you go any faster!... oh, and P.S. don't ever touch me again.. you can stand back farther too... touching is NOT necessary in the line at the grocery store.. have a little manners.. ho."

Dear Aaron,
Consider Beano.. "take beano now, there'll beano gas." thanks..

yeehaaawww

so, I went back home over this last weekend for Rodeo and I had a great time! I got to hang out with my lovely peeps, a.k.a. family at a family reunion Saturday afternoon as well. I saw a lot of family members that I haven't seen in years.. which means I didn't really even remember them. overall, it was a good time and there were lots of kiddos running around.. which I adore!
Aaron and I were only going on about 2 hours of sleep though, so I am sure I was looking like a lovely young lady (or not). We spent the night with Shawn Henson and his finance, Michelle on Friday night where we went to some firefighter's party thing and to a bar/ dance club type place until about 3 in the morning.. draining! But it was a good time.. Aaron and Shawn got hit on by a woman in red that weighed about 300 lbs and had the 80's hair and mom jeans.. it was amusing. I told them they should go grind up on her on the dance floor.. so they did. funny.

umm.. anyhow, back to the rodeo stuff... we ran into a feller who had a rhinocerous on his pants.. yep,.. a rhino.. strange. I also ran into.. literally.. some man or shall I say cowboy when I was trying to dance and I knocked his drink all over him. He was ok with it though if I danced with him.. perv.
tara was drunk as a skunk and almost missed our campsite.. as kristen said "she was hunched over.. walking very fast our campsite"... b/c apparently she walked up to someone else's campsite first and didn't want to make the same mistake twice. She also got busted peeing by a bush and everyone saw her cha-cha.. it was amusing. oh yea, and she almost got hit by a truck.. she isn't real aware of her surroundings when she's intoxicated..
on another note.. aaron thinks I should run for some position in the government.. I think the ambassador?? and the funniest part about that statement is that he was completely 100% serious!! hahahahaahaha
YEA FRICKIN' RIGHT! at least he believes in his boo.

just sad

I am just really sad lately.. today is 10 months since I lost my sweet mother to brain cancer. I don't know why at 10 months it almost seems more difficult than at 2 months or whatever other number I'd like to use. I have been dreading today for the entire week.. why? Because of the number 6, that date is just horrible. I have been waking up thinking of Lea and going to bed thinking of her, I think about her while I'm working out or just driving to work. She is constantly on my mind, which is a good thing but it's really hard for me to concentrate on my day to day life when all I do is think about her. I know this may sound truly crazy, but I feel like I just now realized.. there is NO WAY that she is ever coming back to me. Why does the 10 month mark make me realize that, I have no clue. It's just so close to one year but not there yet either. It's so hard to explain what I am thinking and feeling without sounding insane. I miss her so much and I want her to come back, I would truly do anything for her to come back. I just keep thinking about what my entire family is going without. From the simplest things like me telling her about a new store or something so trivial down to Addie's first day of school and Dylan making honor roll. Then there is my Dad who is completely heartbroken over the loss of his soul mate, I cannot imagine what it must feel like to be him living day after day without her and living in her memories.. sleeping in their bed and waking up to her pictures on the walls and her perfume and her clothes in their bedroom. It's so hard for me to go home each time and just be in her old life knowing that she isn't coming back to it. I am glad it's there and I have that, but it's hard. The last time I was home, I walked into the house and I smelled her so clearly and strong.. everyone else was sleeping but I knew her presence was there.
Last night, I lost my tummy button ring somehow and I started to search for an old one to put in so that the piercing wouldn't close up. I ended up finding a ring that my parents got me before my senior year because I did not want a class ring. I haven't seen this ring in years actually, I almost forgot about it and I came across it by accident. So, not only have I been thinking of Lea all the time lately.. I find this ring she gave me some 8 years ago and I just started bawling. I am an emotional wreck right now, I just miss her sooo badly. There is no way to make this hurt go away.